August 2011 The Beacon | |
Welcome to the August issue of The Beacon.
Please feel free to share our newsletter with friends, family and co-workers by using the links at the bottom. If you have a story idea, we'd love to hear from you, or if you have a comment or question, contact us at AACBeacon@gmail.com.
With warm regards, Susan Bennett & The Beacon Team With special thanks to Leah Culler and Carolyn Hoard. If you are an AAC member, watch for the next issue of The Decree arriving in your mailbox this fall. If you're not a member yet, won't you consider joining us today?
AAC Adoption News and ViewsOur first live Internet talk-radio show was a great success! People from across the country and Canada clicked in to listen to host, Pam Kroskie and her first guest, Sherrie Eldridge. Sherrie is the author of Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew and a sought-after speaker. Learn more about Sherrie at www.sherrieeldridge.com
| A Shared Story: Mother & Daughter Adoptees Seek Answers
Leah Culler & Susan Bennett Beni Cunningham has always known she was adopted, and she has always been curious about her biological roots. The first time she acted on that curiosity, though, was after the birth of her first daughter. Prompted by a desire to share vital medical information with her children, she contacted the New York state adoption registry. That request yielded little useful information, so Beni asked her parents if they had any more details to share. Beni's mother, Lois Kaufman, who is also adopted, understood her daughter's desire to know where she came from, and suggested she contact the attorney who facilitated the adoption, Seymour Fenichel. The discovery of that name would begin a horrific and frustrating journey for Beni.Seymour Fenichel was the man behind hundreds, if not thousands, of black-market adoptions, one of which was Beni's adoption. When Beni began her research, she found articles about his shady practices, his guilty plea and disbarment, and his death. Although she was disgusted by his practices and dismayed that he was no longer living, she continued to gather information, creating a log that is so far 20 pages long. It cross-references where he practiced with other attorneys and doctors he was associated with. Beni is in the process of interviewing staff members Fenichel had hired, as well as other adoptees, birth mothers and parents who were affected. She has helped more than 150 people by giving them information on where to register and how to search, and has shared how she herself began to heal with the help of Joe Soll(adoptionhealing.org). She has even reunited a birth mother and daughter. Beni's own mother, Lois, made her decision to pursue adoption in part because of her appreciation for her own adoptive parents. After she and her husband lost two babies during the eighth month of pregnancy, they decided to move forward with creating a family through adoption. Lois's father was an attorney, and she turned to him for help. That's how they found Fenichel. At the first meeting with Fenichel, Lois's parents accompanied them. Fenichel told them it could take up to 18 months to find a baby. Two weeks later, Lois's father died, and Fenichel called to tell Lois that he had heard of her father's passing and that they would get the very next baby boy in honor of her father. Five weeks later, Saul came along. He is Beni's older brother. Lois remembers feeling strange about being moved so quickly up the list of waiting parents. She also recalls going to the court to finalize the adoption when Saul was six months old, and seeing 10 other families with 10 babies about the same age as Saul. There were several things that seemed odd, but Lois was young and excited, and neither she nor her parents questioned anything. Lois didn't know the truth behind her children's adoptions, but she did know that they would be curious about their birth parents, just as she was. She always planned to help them search when they were ready. "I am their mother and I always will be," she says. "I just want them to be happy." (Pictured is Lois with Saul & Beni.) And while Lois was curious about her biological roots, she never did more than wonder. "I was never wanting to interfere in someone's life," she says. "Perhaps my birth mother never told her present family about me." Because her own children were adopted, she knew she didn't need to find out her medical history to pass along to them, and she says she came to terms with her adoption years ago. "Every adopted person has to come to terms with that part of their being," she says. "We all deal with it in different ways. When I was 16, I came to terms with it and that helped me the rest of my life. I looked in the mirror one day and I said to myself this is what Lois looks like and you know everything about her inside of you. You know the good and the bad, now go live your life. "My daughter, on the other hand, is much deeper than I am, more inquisitive than I am," she says. "I am more accepting in general. I always considered myself an island. No blood behind me (that I know of) and no blood in front of me. “So when Beni became pregnant I had this pure feeling of joy for her. She was starting her own bloodline. "She has the most wonderful daughters whom I am madly in love with. I find it so fascinating that they look like her; they have her exact hands and feet. It is something I never got to experience in my life. So I am deeply happy for my daughter to have that experience.” (Pictured is Sophia, Lois & Beni, pregnant.) And although Lois says she is fairly certain that her birth mother is no longer alive, Beni has encouraged her to search for possible siblings. Together, they are searching for information on Lois's birth family. “I think Beni is an amazing woman and I am very proud of her," Lois says. "And, because of her encouragement, this has been a great endeavor that I’m really enjoying." Mother and daughter both hope that sharing their stories will bring awareness to adoption, and to the ongoing fight to give adoptees access to their original birth certificates. Beni says many people don't realize that adult adoptees aren't entitled to this information in most states. She feels like a second-class citizen in the state where she was born. Others born in the state have easy access to birth certificates, while she is denied that right. Deciding to search is frightening, and learning that you don't have the right to your own information is often so frustrating and painful that people stop searching. "Having your own information … can only help," Beni says. "Whether the answers found are positive or negative, they are still our own. Knowing the truth is better than never knowing at all." Beni hopes that sharing her story could have another possible outcome: answers. She has done everything she can to track down information, and now hopes that someone who is related to her may see her story and put the pieces together. Click here for the NY Post article Kids Stolen From Their Mothers and Sold to New Families.
If you think you may know Beni or have some information please go to Beni's Facebook page. Kismet - May 17, 1968 and May 17, 2011
Elise Lewis For my family and me these dates hold great significance. May 17, 1968, was the day that my parents drove from Baton Rouge, Louisiana to the Volunteers of America Maternity Home & Nursery in New Orleans and our journey as an adoptive family began. On May 17, 2011, I returned to Baton Rouge as a Louisiana adult adopted person and Board Member of AAC to testify in front of Senate Judiciary A Committee in support of SB155, which, if made into law, would restore in Louisiana the right of adult adopted persons over the age of 24 to their OBC, the government document that records their birth. It would provide adult adopted persons the same right that all non-adopted adult persons in Louisiana hold. It was a thrilling day as I received support from many directions, but most of all because I had the support of my parents (John and Sissy Bateman ) who were there with me in the committee room. They came, wore the ribbon, signed their green cards of support and sat for the two-hour discussion and vote on SB155. It was recommended favorably out of committee. Afterward, my parents worked the halls of the Senate seeing old friends and colleagues and telling everyone why they were there: to show their support as adoptive parents for SB155. Unfortunately, SB155 died on the floor of the Louisiana Senate in June, greatly due to the insecurities of some, along with the lack of education about the issues that impact adopted persons and relinquishing parents throughout their lives. For more information you can listen to a radio interview on New Orleans WWL.
Book Club Corner“Groundbreaking…courageous…penetrating, engaging, and deeply personal. Adoption Nation is a remarkable piece of work.”
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Newsletter - August 2011 |