AAC 101 - Getting to know you 'Bingo' leads to answers!

Dore' Frances

Everyone plays “Getting-to-Know-You Bingo”. You have different opportunities to walk around the room and connect with other people and fill in your bingo card. This card has things on it like are you a birth mother who gave a child up for adoption, are you still searching for your adopted family, are you a sibling of an adopted person, have you been in reunion with your bio family for over 10 years, are you an adoptee, were you a teenager when you became pregnant, did you adopt a child and also have your own biological children, did you find any of your bio family via the Internet, have you ever used the Internet for searching and so on.

Seriously, after getting very little sleep the night before I really was not in the mood to play Bingo. However, I engaged. Here I was in a room with people who were all speaking the same language, same lost hurt in their eyes, knowing souls. It was an overwhelming feeling of acceptance and safety and belonging. It is one thing to read another’s words and feel their emotion, it is quite another to hear one speaking their own words and see their emotion. This happened during the entire conference. It is very moving and very emotional and I highly recommend attending.

So much happened next! There was an empty chair next to a woman and I just plopped down and looked at my Bingo form and was wanting to know which box she could fill in. She asked me what my role was and I said I was an adoptee, born in California. She smiled and asked me how long I had been in reunion? Reunion, are you kidding?

Although I had spent several years driving to Sacramento to visit the Department of Social Welfare, had petitioned the court to get my records open after I was diagnosed with cancer, and had even found the attorney who handled the adoption, I was turned down everywhere.
I shared with Susan that I was not in reunion and all I had done. She looked me straight in the eye and asked, “Have you never met a California Search Professional? I explained I had just resigned myself to never knowing. “Well now I know why you are in AAC 101 today, we’ll fix that!” and Susan started writing. I relayed my name at birth as I knew it, when I was born, where, everything I knew about my birth family. Susan felt confident she could find out my information, so confident in fact that she pulled out her cell phone and called an associate that minute. I wanted to doubt her as I just felt to trust that if this was even possible it would open up emotions I was too tired to deal with right now. The conference concluded for the evening and Susan and I spent a bit more time talking and then I went to my room. I never gave it another thought. About 90 minutes later the phone in my hotel room rang. It was Susan. Could I come to her room? What - Now? What is so important? She had my information.

I hung up the phone and just sat there. How could this woman have so much knowledge to find this out in such a short period of time after all my years of searching? Is this real? Off to her room I went, still apprehensive. Susan actually came down from her floor to meet me at the elevator. As I went with her up to her room I was still in disbelief.

We walked into her room and she handed me this yellow piece of paper. She started talking - You last name is …. Your mother’s name is …. Your mother was married to ….. You also have a brother and this name is ….they live in ……your birth father is …..
I had a road map to my life from birth. Who is this woman? Her name is Susan Friel-Williams and she is an Angel. Susan was also adopted from California and attempted to have her birth records opened. A judge told her no. I can see that Susan does not take word “no" easily.

So many thoughts were running through my head. For the first time I had real hope of perhaps having a reunion with my birth mother. She is very elderly now. Perhaps the reunion will take place, perhaps not.

Whatever happens, I know who my mother is, I have names, and heritage, and dates, and birth places, and I know where my family lives. I am going to send in my DNA to Ancestry.com so I can track more. I have information about my birth father: he has since passed. For two days at the conference it was like going through the motions of just being there. It was a lot to process. I loved my adopted mother. She was an angel in her own right. She died when I was nine. And she left me some information about my birth parents. It all matches with what Susan found.

Knowing that I have two mothers whom I am connected to is a blessing. Also, that weekend, I went and looked at a house, made an offer and I will be moving into my home next month. And guess what? The woman I am buying the house from … she is adopted. Somehow I feel all these connections came together just now for a reason. The AAC conference is truly amazing. Have you been there? Please go. I encourage you to go next year and also visit their website. I am so glad I went. It was my first time and definitely not be my last time!

Dore E. Frances, PhD
Horizon Family Solutions
Doré E. Frances, PhD
Advocate / Visionary
Educational / Therapeutic Consultant
Comprehensive Case Management|
DoreFrances.com
Horizon Family Solutions


AAC 101 - Getting to know you 'Bingo' leads to answers! Dore' Frances Everyone plays “Getting-to-Know-You Bingo”. You have different opportunities to walk around the room and connect with other people and fill in your bingo card. This card has things on it like are you a birth mother who gave a child up for adoption, are you still searching for your adopted family, are you a sibling of an adopted person, have you been in reunion with your bio family for over 10 years, are you an adoptee, were you a teenager when you became pregnant, did you adopt a child and also have your own biological children, did you find any of your bio family via the Internet, have you ever used the Internet for searching and so on. Seriously, after getting very little sleep the night before I really was not in the mood to play Bingo. However, I engaged. Here I was in a room with people who were all speaking the same language, same lost hurt in their eyes, knowing souls. It was an overwhelming feeling of acceptance and safety and belonging. It is one thing to read another’s words and feel their emotion, it is quite another to hear one speaking their own words and see their emotion. This happened during the entire conference. It is very moving and very emotional and I highly recommend attending. So much happened next! There was an empty chair next to a woman and I just plopped down and looked at my Bingo form and was wanting to know which box she could fill in. She asked me what my role was and I said I was an adoptee, born in California. She smiled and asked me how long I had been in reunion? Reunion, are you kidding? Although I had spent several years driving to Sacramento to visit the Department of Social Welfare, had petitioned the court to get my records open after I was diagnosed with cancer, and had even found the attorney who handled the adoption, I was turned down everywhere. I shared with Susan that I was not in reunion and all I had done. She looked me straight in the eye and asked, “Have you never met a California Search Professional? I explained I had just resigned myself to never knowing. “Well now I know why you are in AAC 101 today, we’ll fix that!” and Susan started writing. I relayed my name at birth as I knew it, when I was born, where, everything I knew about my birth family. Susan felt confident she could find out my information, so confident in fact that she pulled out her cell phone and called an associate that minute. I wanted to doubt her as I just felt to trust that if this was even possible it would open up emotions I was too tired to deal with right now. The conference concluded for the evening and Susan and I spent a bit more time talking and then I went to my room. I never gave it another thought. About 90 minutes later the phone in my hotel room rang. It was Susan. Could I come to her room? What - Now? What is so important? She had my information. I hung up the phone and just sat there. How could this woman have so much knowledge to find this out in such a short period of time after all my years of searching? Is this real? Off to her room I went, still apprehensive. Susan actually came down from her floor to meet me at the elevator. As I went with her up to her room I was still in disbelief. We walked into her room and she handed me this yellow piece of paper. She started talking - You last name is …. Your mother’s name is …. Your mother was married to ….. You also have a brother and this name is ….they live in ……your birth father is ….. I had a road map to my life from birth. Who is this woman? Her name is Susan Friel-Williams and she is an Angel. Susan was also adopted from California and attempted to have her birth records opened. A judge told her no. I can see that Susan does not take word “no" easily. So many thoughts were running through my head. For the first time I had real hope of perhaps having a reunion with my birth mother. She is very elderly now. Perhaps the reunion will take place, perhaps not. Whatever happens, I know who my mother is, I have names, and heritage, and dates, and birth places, and I know where my family lives. I am going to send in my DNA to Ancestry.com so I can track more. I have information about my birth father: he has since passed. For two days at the conference it was like going through the motions of just being there. It was a lot to process. I loved my adopted mother. She was an angel in her own right. She died when I was nine. And she left me some information about my birth parents. It all matches with what Susan found. Knowing that I have two mothers whom I am connected to is a blessing. Also, that weekend, I went and looked at a house, made an offer and I will be moving into my home next month. And guess what? The woman I am buying the house from … she is adopted. Somehow I feel all these connections came together just now for a reason. The AAC conference is truly amazing. Have you been there? Please go. I encourage you to go next year and also visit their website. I am so glad I went. It was my first time and definitely not be my last time! Dore E. Frances, PhD Horizon Family Solutions Doré E. Frances, PhD Advocate / Visionary Educational / Therapeutic Consultant Comprehensive Case Management\| DoreFrances.com Horizon Family Solutions
Beacon - May 2016